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That's All She Wrote

Emily Powell

“A Change in the Tides”

There was a change in the tides and suddenly I’m alone,

Forcing my way through a path set in stone.

That’s set for my future, set for me now,

As the wind threatens to turn over the boat and the bow.

Tossing and turning through tides of the times,

I’m left here helpless by people who just passed by.

And the light that creeps over the horizon and the shore,

Shoot up out of their seats and yell for an encore.

Because this life that I live, these words that I say,

Are just so damn intriguing, in every single way.

In my boat turned over I’m adrift at land,

I’ve capsized my life right smack onto the sand.

Of life’s greatest challenges all forged ahead,

Waiting for me to stumble and trip and fall right onto my head.

And that’s how life is, in this society we’re in,

We never know we have something until it’s a was, had, or been.

In this change of the tides, I sit here alone,

Well at least I’m not missing life, staring down at my phone.

I’m enlightened by experiences I’ve lived and seen,

Provoking these thoughts, all dark and obscene.

But some bright like the morning sun, just before the day,

Where all things turn right and suddenly I’m not astray.

 

 

Featured post

Man of Piano

Man of sharps and flats, play me a new tune.

Sway alongside me; my soul will fly soon.

So take me to the moon, to the galaxies up high,

Riding on notes of jazz as the common people pass by.

And they’ll stop and stare at the strange things they see,

But won’t understand until they’ve set their soul free.

Oh man of black and white, play that song til it’s done,

But wait for the night to arrive, for the setting of the sun.

Because night is when the music crowds the air.

Its never-ending beats are so unique, so rare.

Man of piano, please, come fly with me,

And bring those beautiful pieces of ebony and ivory.

 

piano man.jpg

Candlelight Lovers

Candlelight illuminates your face, your beautifully constructed face.

The darkness falls around you, cloaking you in the colors of the night.

But you keep looking at me, what am I supposed to do?

The candlelight is all too much for me, the warm glow on your warm features.

So I kiss you, sure and steady.

And when we kiss, the shadows contract all around us as we move, the light changing angles.

I taste the lingering sweets on your tongue, molding on to me like melted chocolate.

I sigh heavy against you, and your smile lights up the room more than the candles ever could.

All too soon, you pull back, the light restoring its normal pose on you.

The black of the room seems all too intimidating now without your warmness encompassing me.

Your eyes wander, from mine, to my lips, to the candle, and all around the room.

I wonder, if only as a fleeting thought, what’s on your mind.

Is it the sudden darkness for you, too?

How did we not notice it before?

But then you sigh, and the warm exhale of your breath- inches from my face- sends goosebumps down my spine.

I almost let myself shudder.

Almost.

But the silence seems too wide, too strong, and I’m afraid to disturb it.

So I focus on the candlelight, the flickering flame.

It casts spells upon your face, enchanting and luring.

I will myself not to let them bewitch me, yet find myself leaning forward ever so slightly again.

I taste the sweets again, subtler this time.

It pulls at my chest with a tenderness so faint and gentle, I could’ve missed it.

But it’s there, sure and steady, like the rhythms in my chest that pound for you, that crave you and your sweet taste.

I’m briefly aware that the candlelight falters, and so are you, but the warmness on our skin is so heavy, that we find ourselves lost in our own skin… even as the candle extinguishes completely.

 

 

 

“Vibes, man.”

2 [poeple talking

You know when you meet someone for the first time and you just get this vibe that draws you to them? I’m talking about the vibe that’s like “holy shit I want to be friends with this person”, and you’ve only had like 5 minutes of a conversation with them. It’s the vibes, man. Maybe it has something to do with eye contact; never underestimate the power of eye contact. If someone feels like you’re tuned in to them and genuinely interested in the conversation, they’re bound to want to keep the conversation going. Or maybe it’s just that you’re meant to have a connection with some people. Some people you see yourself in- whether it’s the way they say their words, their dialect or vocabulary, or just complimentary body language. No matter what it is, you just get that vibe. You want to keep talking to them, you want to sit down and talk all night. You want to hear their opinion on things, compare it to yours, inquire more about how they came to that stance. You want them to talk more, you just want to talk, talk, talk. You want to get to know them better, become friends, meet for a usual cup of coffee, text at late hours in the night, complain to each other the next morning about how tired you are and share a mutual laugh. You just want to live with this person, imagine how your life would be with him/her in it.

And maybe I’m going way too far, especially for someone you’ve only had a 5 minute conversation with, but I’m telling you, when you get those vibes it’s impossible to shake them. It’s like it follows you with every conversation you have, constantly increasing your awareness of it, and maybe even increasing itself. You think of how they could fit into your life right now, what kind of traits they could bring out in you, how it could affect your future decisions… because everything has a butterfly effect. Maybe meeting this person has already started changing you, maybe going so far as to say you like their vibe has already impacted you. Maybe you’ll start to look for that vibe in everyone you meet- thus changing the kinds of people you come into contact with, the kind of conversations you have, your thoughts, the thoughts that become words, the words that become actions, and so on and so forth.

Or maybe not. Maybe this vibe is so new to you that at first you don’t recognize it, therefore you don’t act upon it. And in some unfortunate cases, you’ll end up never talking to them again, losing touch over that fact that you’re too afraid to be upfront or be seen as confrontational.

Or maybe it’s just not that extreme. Maybe you have a few conversations, exchange numbers, and maybe hangout a couple of times. Maybe it’s escalates. Maybe it doesn’t and you leave a little unsatisfied after your third hangout, and gradually lose touch.

Or in other truly unfortunate cases, your vibe was wrong. Either you pinned them wrong, didn’t truly get to know their vibe well enough yet, or they made you believe they were something else entirely. Any of these outcomes are equally as likely to happen, given the fact that there are tons of fake people out there nowadays. People monitor themselves/ cut short their sentences, afraid to slip up and go against the status quo or speak out and be judged. It happens. Or they just think they’re someone else, so they act like the person they want to be, instead of their true nature. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve seen that try to be someone they’re not, and it kills me. You should be comfortable with your own skin and nature, not trying to make yourself into something that’s not you. Sure, if you don’t like the person you’ve become, change it. But don’t try to act like a whole different person entirely overnight. Gradually change your mindset, your style, your look on life… whatever you need to do to feel more like the person you were meant to be.

So go back to my beginning sentence. Dang, I’ve drifted all over the place here, huh? But anyways, that feeling of “holy shit I want to be friends with you, let’s talk” is really an interesting thing. Sometimes you don’t sense it until the conversation is over and the lull is enough to drive you insane. Or if it ends completely, and they walk away and you feel like it wasn’t meant to end there. It can be subtle. However, the kind of feeling I’m describing now isn’t necessarily subtle, but you could probably already tell that from my opening paragraph.

Vibes, man, vibes.

Talk soon, and that’s all she wrote!

-Em

The power of the mind:

I feel like sometimes we imagine the idea of something is worse (or better) than the actual thing itself is. Know what I mean? We get these crazy ideas of something in our head- and picture all these crazy outcomes- and kind of freak ourselves out over it. It’s hard to explain… let me give an example.

Our senior year of high school is basically centered around the notion of us going off to college soon, so we get ourselves ready for it. Sometimes the best way to get ourselves truly ready for something is to mentally prepare for it. We hype ourselves up, tell ourselves all these things, fantasize the best outcomes and scare ourselves silly over the worst. This is what I’m talking about. So we go into college, into this new chapter of our life, with all these preconceived thoughts and feelings. I think it’s safe to say that in most case scenarios, we end up being very off.

For me personally, I thought college was going to break me down, show me the kind of person I really was. While there’s actually a lot of truth and meaning to this, I meant this in a very negative way. I thought I was going to drown, since I used to be a dependent person (and college is all about independence and responsibility). However, I was very off. I’ve managed my time well, balanced myself between hard work and social escapades, tuned in to my health and well-being, etc. All in all, I’m doing great. I grew up in sort of a sheltered home (with your typical present parents – not helicopter parents- but still tuned in) so I was always dreaming of the endless freedom college would give me. I guess there’s another example of what I’m trying to talk about, except this one would most likely go against my main message because the freedom is exactly what I dreamed it to be. Well, I did say sometimes.

Back on track, the mind is a powerful thing. As John Milton says, “The mind can make a heaven out of hell or a hell out of heaven.” I love this quote so much. Not only can it relate to what I’m talking about, but pretty much anything else (as long as you put it into perspective). The mind is central to our being, to how we interact with our world, to connecting with others. Our minds give us a sort of premonition, if you will, about things before we come to them. And wrapping this all up, most of the time it’s extremes. It’s either going to be good or bad. There’s no neutral or in between. Well, yes there is, but that’s a topic for a rainy day. Who am I kidding? It’s always raining in Tallahassee. Either way, it’s up to us whether or not we choose to let these premonitions effect how we go into new experiences. Because if you go into something all closed up, you’re not going to get the same take-away you would’ve gotten had you gone into it with positivity. Vice versa, too. There’s so much I could ramble about with how positive and negative mindsets connect to this too, but I’ll tuck that in my pocket for a sunny day (see what I did there!).

All in all:

Don’t let your preconceived ideas influence how you go about new experiences.

and remember…

The mind is a powerful thing.

Talk soon, and that’s all she wrote!                                                                                              -Em

 

It truly is a beautiful morning! Hello everyone, this is just a miscellaneous post here. I’m not quite sure what it’s going to be yet, but the ideas are biting ( and I feel like talking, so I’m making this an informal, conversational sort of post).

Why don’t we start with a few fun facts? Who doesn’t love a good fun fact, am I right?

  1. If you hold a kangaroo’s tail off of the ground, it can’t hop.
  2. In your entire lifetime, you will produce up to two swimming pools of saliva.
  3. Banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour.
  4. Heart attacks are more likely to happen on a Monday.
  5. Sea otters hold hands when they sleep so they don’t drift away from each other.

Wow, would you just look at all those facts… so informative. So what’s next? What? Fun facts about me? Oh no, that would be selfish. I couldn’t possibly… what? You insist? Well shucks, here I go then.

  1. My favorite color is red- or just like, sunset colors.
  2. I’ve been playing piano since I was 5.
  3. I love books, coffee and tea, open mic nights, poetry, and just about anything else labeled “artsy.”
  4. I’m Catholic, and was brought up in a Catholic family.

So yeah, just a bit more about me. I mean, if you’re really interested you can read my bio…? Scratch that. Don’t.

So it is approximately 1:29 p.m. and I haven’t done much of anything today. Woke up at 12, threw on some stereotypical college girl running shorts and a big t shirt, studied for a bit for my class straight from hell (Brain and Behavior), and now here I am.

New topic. So does anyone else get really warm when they sleep? And not like an uncomfortable warm, just the kind where you wake up and touch your stomach and it’s like a little heater? Yeah, that’s definitely me.

So I realize that I’m getting incredibly lazy with this post, so I think I’ll cut it short here. Talk soon!

And that’s all she wrote!                                                                                                                     -Em

Become the wave- don’t let me drown.

Understand the waves. Bear into them no matter how hard they push you. Ride along side them, tell them where you’ve been, and hear their answers.

The feverish sun will shine down on you if you do not seek refuge. So seek the waves, seek the respite. Never retaliate against the current, rather, give in to its commands.

Become one with the sand, the salt, the sea. Only then- and not before- will you ever be free.

__________________________________________________________________

So I’ll let the waves crash over me,                                                                                     sheltering me in a blue crowd of  applause.                                                                       Rushing down my skin, my sin,                                                                                                      to free me from my unspoken pause.

And over and over and over again,                                                                                                I’ll set the tone too fast.                                                                                                                   For once they’re gone, they’ll be gone for good,                                                                        and surely I will not last.

Waters from above,                                                                                                                          my God on highest rest,                                                                                                                 who sends me love so vast- so mighty-                                                                                             it puts me to the test.

Scrape up the crumbs of sand, for sure,                                                                                    they will not take me down.                                                                                                                I ask of you only one thing,                                                                                                               that you will not let me drown

Night Rides

It was the first time I had ever driven in silence. And for the first time since the accident, I was attentive to the noises of the city. I listened to the sounds of the street. I paid attention to the thrum of the motor in my mustang and the whiz of the cars that passed by.

But when I reached that one street, I drove at such a tantalizingly slow pace that it almost made me sick. I took in my surroundings, barely grazing the gas pedal. Physically I was there driving, but mentally I was somewhere else. Or maybe it was just that my depth perception was off. Sitting in the driver’s seat, I felt like I was a good 10 meters away from the steering wheel.

I made sure to turn off my headlights as I pulled up to the house, so I could remain in the car for just 5 minutes longer without parents realizing I’m there and wondering why I haven’t come to the door yet. However, I was ripped from my thoughts when I finally gathered up my courage and stepped out of the car. When I made the move to stand, jolts of pain shot through me. It felt like I had just ran a marathon, when I had only just come home from dance.

I shut the car door quietly and leaned against it. I waited a few minutes before I decided to lock it, wanting to take as much time as I could, before the sound of the horn (when I locked my car) let my parents know I was home. I was prolonging the inevitable. The night was over, at least for me. This was the last time I would be outside for the rest of the night.

I sighed when the horn sounded and I let my exhale of breath release the anxiety. One foot in front of the other, just keep walking…

headlights

Spread love through your words!

I’ve never understood why women feel the need to put other women down in order to make themselves feel better. And maybe it’s not just women, but right now I’m just talking about sisterhood. We are all different, but we are all the same. We all have our own insecurities and flaws and what not, so why exploit someone else’s to make yourself feel better?

Recently, an old friend and I got together. We live right down the street from each other and kind of grew up together. He still does yardwork and stuff for my dad, but it had been a while since we’d hung out one-on-one. He was telling me about how this girl (his current girlfriend) drove him crazy because she was sort of a psychopath, but he loved her nonetheless. So I let him vent about it, occasionally asking a question now and again. I found out from him that she had some serious problems with self-esteem, etc. In return, she chased away any female that came into contact with him, forcing him to unfriend them. And I can understand how the whole low self-esteem comes into play there, because she’s afraid he’ll cheat on her, yadda yadda yadda… but this girl went CRAZY on any girl that came near him, and I mean CRAZY. I experienced it first hand… (and this is where it gets good, so get out the popcorn, folks).

The very next day, she messages me off of his phone- and I know it’s her because of the way she’s texting- and basically says that I’m a “whore” and to “stay the fu*k away from him” and all this great stuff. Honestly, I had kind of expected this to happen. So I tell her all this “I mean no harm here” and “Kumbaya” and “Hey if it’s that big of a problem for ya, I’ll back off but you don’t need to call me a whore” stuff, trying to play the peacemaker, right? Nope. She blows up and calls me off of his phone like 17 times and texts me all this hate-spam. Meanwhile, I’m out at dinner with my family, and I really cannot be dealing with this. Finally, she stops and I call the friend, and he basically tells me that we can’t be friends. So I back off.

A couple weeks pass and I haven’t spoken with the friend, nor his crazy girlfriend. Oh, so it must be over. JUST KIDDING! She comments all these nasty comments on my pictures on Instagram off of my friend’s account. And I mean NASTY, demeaning, disrespectful comments totally meant to put someone down. And tons of them. All over my pictures. So I try to call the guy, and my cell is blocked. I try to Direct Message either of them on Instagram- both have me blocked. Snapchat, blocked. Facebook, blocked. Home phone, no answer. So finally I take my house phone and dial his cell into it and sure enough, he picks up after a few rings.

“Hello?”

“Hey, (insert his name here)…”

No reply.

“Tell your girlfriend to stop or I’m going to report her to the police for harassment.”

“Okay, I’ll tell her.”

“Great, thanks.”

End call.

I block his number after that.

SO, that was the long version of what happened, and I apologize, I didn’t mean to go that in-depth with this story for fear of missing my target point. My point is… why do we do that to each other? And this isn’t me with a whiny voice complaining about a single girl that went berserk on me. This is the question of a confused individual who legitimately wants to know that answer. Why do we put each other down? We all know what it feels like to have someone point out our insecurities, and it’s not a good feeling. Yeah, we may do it on accident if we don’t know that it’s something someone is insecure about, but half of the time it’s the other way around. I wish it would stop, and not for me, for every insecure woman out there.

We don’t realize the impact that our words have on others, but we really should pay attention to it. I lost a good friend because of the impact someone else’s words had on me, and vice versa. The cycle is never-ending. Please, understand that attacking someone’s character doesn’t make yours any better. And I guess that’s all I’m trying to say here. I don’t want to beat a dead horse because I’m sure we’ve all heard that before, but I mean it from the heart. Take it from someone who faced the consequences.

But thanks for reading, and spread the word! I hope positivity envelops anyone who reads this.

And that’s all she wrote!                                                                                                                  -Em

Fleeting Love

I love the smell of the rain, and the way you say my name.

The drops of daffodils lie on your tongue with every song that is sung.

Compare me to a yellow tulip, maybe then you could fool it,

By saying we are one in the same, you think of tulips when you say my name.

tulips

I love the beach at night, and the way you think you’re always right.

With shoulders back in a confident state, we’ll save the argument for a later date.

Take one step closer, two, three, and four, I forgot what even mattered before.

To chose to talk would be a crime tonight, when you’re the one who’s always right.

beach at night

I love the dark taste of coffee in the afternoon, and the way you look at the moon.

I can’t tell you where I’ve been until now, a wolf without a moon to howl.

The purpose of life, the truth of our destiny, is swept away with the rest of me,

When you look at the moon, I see a light, beyond all noise, beyond my sight.

moon

I love the taste of your mouth on mine- without a care- and the way you stop and stare.

Tell me what it would mean to you if I sang your song, too.

But this time with the weight of your kiss; I know it’s something that I’ll miss.

So pull back and stare now, before the dawn, because tomorrow is already gone.

dawn

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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